Last week’s bribing of Libyan officials by the British government reminded us that it’s a familiar tale.

Vehicles belonging to a company doing business in a corrupt Third World state are “impounded” by people claiming to be officials. They demand a “fine” in exchange for returning the vehicles.

It is unclear whether they have any legal right to demand such a fine. Legality in such a place is an elastic concept, and its enforcement erratic. All that matters is that the company needs the vehicles and no legitimate authority is going to lift a finger to get them back.

The sensible thing for the company to do is to shallow its corporate pride, hold its corporate nose, and buy back its own property at a discount.

In that situation, the company has no way of knowing whether it is paying protection money or a legitimate fine, or whether the cash will end up in an official treasury or the pockets of the alleged officials. It has no control over what happens before, during, or after payment.

It may still end up being charged with bribery by other officials – possibly seeking a bribe of their own. Either way, they do not care that the situation was not initiated by the company and is obviously to the company’s disadvantage – unlike a genuine case of bribery, where the company initiates the situation and seeks an advantage. Nor do they care if the officials and their fine were of – to put it politely – dubious legitimacy.

They simply put the victim of extortion on trial for being a victim.

This is what happened to Major William Shaw, who we mentioned last week, in Afghanistan. One might imagine that, since Major Shaw had served 28 years in the British Army and been honoured for his service, since that same British Army is one of those keeping the current Afghan regime in power, and since he was working for a security firm supposedly helping to rebuild the country, a telephone call from the British Embassy would have secured his release and a full apology that same afternoon.

Not a bit of it. The British Government left Major Shaw to rot in a filthy prison for months.

He has now been released, but the injustice remains. It is over a hundred years since Lord Palmerston declared that the words “I am a British citizen” should be an absolute protection to UK businessmen abroad. Now the message from the Foreign Office is “You’re on your own, mate.”

One of the more amusing snippets to be found on WikiLeaks is a memo from a rather humourless American career diplomat describing a jolly-sounding lunch with Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, who was in Kyrgyzstan to promote British business interests.

The media tell us that the Prince has been “criticised” – for his remarks

...not by the business community! On the contrary, it is a pleasant change to see our business interests being represented by someone who sympathises with us and understands some of our problems. The American diplomat also refers to the Prince’s “unmitigated patriotic fervour” – which is just what any country would like to see in someone selling it abroad, and which one rarely sees in career diplomats. The Prince’s main points are summarised below in italics, followed by our comments.

1   “Doing business in Kyrgyzstan involves dealing with corruption.” Did anyone think any differently?

2   “...Just like France.” A bit unfair ... perhaps. France may not be quite that bad – but French officials certainly know how to make your life Hell if you do not play ball with them.

3   “Outsiders cannot change the culture of a country any more than they can cure someone of anorexia.” If only Western governments grasped this simple truth, a lot of unnecessary suffering could be avoided.

4   “Russia is playing the Great Game in Central Asia again and this time Western governments should win.” A brilliant analysis, putting current problems in their proper strategic and historical context, which has so far escaped the Western governments themselves.

5   “The media are not helpful when business deals are being negotiated.” You only have to look at England’s 2018 World Cup bid for proof.

6   “The British anti-corruption investigation of the Al-Yamama deal with Saudi Arabia was idiotic.” Self-evidently true.

7   “British and American governments plan for 10 years where people in Central Asia think in terms of centuries.” Another brilliantly perceptive observation.

8   “The British are better than the Americans at geography.” A generalisation to which there are numerous exceptions on both sides. However, British businessmen are generally pro-American and go to great lengths to find out about America, and are often shocked to find how little many American decision-makers know about the rest of the world. Our humourless American career diplomat seems to be a case in point.